Hello Bandwagon, I am Jumping on You and Writing a Blog.

So for the first time in my college career I am not taking a creative writing class. At first I was excited to not be forced to write or meet deadlines or read awful stories I could not care less about, but then the first three weeks passed and I realized I missed writing and all that comes along with it. So here I present to you, my so far non-existent readers, a blog about my life. I cannot promise that I am super interesting, funny, or wise. However this is what is going on with me, your average college student.

And now, my first actual post: How a lunch box and a porn star made the best week of my life, in that order.

A long long time ago, way back in the month of May 2011 I pre-ordered The Lonely Island's newest cd, Turtleneck and Chain. I bought the digital download with a special lunch box + thermos option. The tiny caption next to it said that the lunch box would not ship until June at the earliest, but most likely July. I thought to myself "I need that more than I have ever needed any that has ever existed ever. I want it, I want it, I WANT IT NOW!" So I pre-ordered thinking a month and a half is not that long. Now because I have the patience of a 4 year old on a the first sugar high of their life, and the four broken links I had received for my digital download, I should have realized this would not be the instant gratification purchase that I desired, but ever the optimist I patiently, but eagerly awaited the arrival of my soon to be favorite possession. I suppose I should mention my planet size crush and Andy Samberg, which made the wait so much worse. But I tell myself 45 days is not that long....

Well Junes rolls by.... and then July whizzes past and still not a word about my box. I start to panic, on Aug. 31st I had to move out of my apartment, and I was worried that I would some how miss my package. I had to send about 9 billion emails to some unknown person named Miranda (Who I to this day believe is a robot) about changing my shipping address. Finally come Sept. 12th I get word from UPS that a failed delivery has occurred twice, and that I have one more attempt before my holy grail of a lunch box is shipped back to Miranda-bot forever. First panic arises, then rage. Where was my notice of the first two attempts?

Now being a full time college student and working two jobs I am not ever home between the hours of 8 am and 8 pm. I call UPS and try to kindly explain this, but we all know that a simple conversation would be way too easy. So I call and after being put on hold for 26 minutes, I get to talk to a rep named, I shit you not, Shaniqua. After she introduces herself, it takes ever fiber of my being to not explode into awkward belly laughs and roll around on the floor.
Me: "I have a package coming for a final attempt, and I know that I won't be home to claim it. I am gone from 8 to 8 everyday. Also I have not received any of those little door sticks from the driver."
Shaniqua: "I am sorry hun, I can add an extra day on that delivery."
Me: "Thank you, but I also won't be home for that. I am out everyday."
Shaniqua: "So you don't want that day? Would you like to pick a day that you will be home?"
Me: "I am never home. Can I change the delivery address to my work?"
Shaniqua:" Sure thing, what is the 9 digit code on the missed delivery slip."
Me: "I told you I don't have that."
Shaniqua: "You don't have either of them?"

This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally She tells me that I can pick up it up between the hours of 8 am and 12 pm Monday through Thursday. I am not sure why she thought that would be possible as I can not even manage to be home between those hours but I agree. Four more calls to UPS later, my friend can pick it up for me. So now four and a half months later I finally have my lunch box, and I will let you know a turkey sandwich with extra pickles has never tasted so sweet.

The other greatest thing to happen to me this week was that I got to talk to my favorite adult star, Danny Wylde. I know it is a little weird for a girl to admit to having a have a favorite star, but when one of your jobs includes writing reviews on adult films, it happens. (Scream XXX is where it is at, combing the two best things ever. Wes Craven's 1996 Scream and the world's cutest porn star) But my job is a story for another day. So I have been Twitter stalking Danny Wylde for a while, but this week got the courage to mention him in a tweet. To my surprise he responded and actually re-tweeted what I said (Is it possible to be a porn nerd? Because if it is, that is definitely what I am). This made me so excited that I forgot where I was, my non porn related job, and I told everyone that was around me. Long story short they all think I am crazy. But I do not care, I had my TLI lunchbox and my giant porn crush has a least some idea that I exist as a person.

FTW I love my life sometimes.