Cable: My Long Lost Love.

Hi, my name is Heather and I am a television addict. I love tv. For the first 18 years of my life I had fancy cable, so I became accustomed  to watching whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. When I moved out at 18, I gave up my cable because I would rather have beer than 900 channels. I have been okay for the most part between Netflix, Hulu +, and sketchy internet sites where I get my fix of shows/movies.  However there is one thing I truly miss about cable; infomercials.

I love infomercials. I always have. I think it is a mix of my night owl personality and my love of shopping. I have spent many hours just watching wide eyed as some guy with an over enthusiastic smile tries to convince me to buy a product that will completely revolutionize my life. And let me tell you, sometimes it really works.

I dream of owning Magic Bullets, Miracle Blades, Slap Chops, and that cake pan where you can bake a cake that looks just like a watermelon! You know for someone who can't cook, I sure seem to lust after a ton of kitchen accessories.

All I want to is acquire those knives, cut through a hammer, slice a pineapple in half mid-air and then still make paper thin tomato slices!

 I want to get some OxiClean and polish my dirty copper pots. I want that tricked out blender that destroys everything that you put in it! I want people to love my nuts!

I missing laying on my couch at 3 A.M. flipping between channels, listening to how Tony Little's Gazelle will change my life and how The Buzz is the best collection of 90's alt rock that has ever existed. I want to hear the demos from Malt-Shop Memories (which I own) and dream the 50's sock hops I will never get to go to. But no, when you don't have cable, you don't get late night infomercial time.

Instead I have to try and get my kicks on Youtube, but it is not the same. You have to fight your way through bad quality uploads and auto-tuned clips.... It is just not worth it. Also then you are that weird person with all of your recommendations coming up for infomercials and people look at you like you are on crack.

So now every time I go back home to see my family, which is like twice a year, I do not sleep. I just veg on all of the infomercials I can soak up in one night. I know I sound a little crazy... but I don't even care.