I Should Have My Shopping Privileges Revoked

Have you ever caught yourself buying something crazy?  You realize it is crazy, but you can't stop yourself... Well that happens to me.... All the fucking time.

Most of the time this sequence of events happens when I get nostalgic. This morning I was on campus just waiting for the bus, when all of the sudden a herd of students riding Razor scooters zoomed by me. They were going so fast! ... Well I mean they were moving slightly faster than the people meandering around them, and boy did they look cool. As I stood there like a loser waiting for my bus, I whipped out my phone and started to look for a pink one one Ebay.

Wouldn't I look awesome jetting around on this bad boy?

But then just as I was about to bid on one, I remembered that I had a Razor scooter circa 2002 when they were shit. Guess what? Razor's fucking blow. The wheels get stuck on every crack or tiny pebble, when you lift them they swing about and smack you in the ankle, and they don't go fast at all... in fact they may actually be more work than walking. 

Now I know all of these things, but because other people had one and I used to have one, there I was online about to make a bid of $26 to have my very own ankle breaker. Lucky for me the bus came at the moment so I got on and did not buy my pink scooter.

What is terrible is that a Razor scooter is not the weirdest thing I have tried to by online... food is. I have tried to buy in the last five years, 3D Doritos, Orbitz Soda, those tiny Mario Bros. cans of soda, Japanese Green Tea Kit Kats, bread in a can, unicorn meat, ect...

I do things like this all of the time. I have many things that I have bought because I thought it was humorous. Here is a few of the things I own that no person really needs.

Peter Pan on laserdisc

A medium sized Jesus piggy bank made of purple glitter

A wooden dildo shaped like a gnome

A LFO Doll

A ton of random costumes including but not limited to a full unicorn suit

And a $600 Sailor Moon costume.

Glow in the dark dinosaur toys

costumes for my dog

Like 8 Ikea Lack tables (They are just so cheap!)

Ect...

I also stock pile supplies for crafts I want to start (but never do). I have sheets to tie dye, thread to cross stitch naughty words onto throw pillows, glitter, puff paint, a Bedazzler, glass beads, feathers and glue, and about 8 million other little things.

Someone really should take away my access to the internet, thrift stores, and my bank account.